trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
