can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
