he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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