but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
