Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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