I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
