Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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