Where did you get a picture of my penis
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
