When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
