Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
