Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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