he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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