sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
