I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
