Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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