If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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