Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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