I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
