Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
