WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
