I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
