Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
