Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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