Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
