i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
