I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
