I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
