I think my fart just growled at me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
