I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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