Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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