I'm jealous of your bromance
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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