I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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