Got a toothbrush?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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