wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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