Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
