Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
