i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
