good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
