I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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