I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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