I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
