Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
