I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
