blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
