Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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