I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
