you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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