Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
