I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
