the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
