Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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